Things I’ve actually heard college students say

mellarkish:

• “Look how pretty my notes are!! Too bad I’ll never study them”
• “I might look fine in class but I’m dying inside" 
• “I’ve never seen frozen and at this point i’m afraid to" 
• “when the professor shows up I’m just gonna get up, make eye contact, and leave”
•  ”shut the fuck up and eat your shitty frosted flakes”
•  ”Is it acceptable to throw myself out the window after we take this exam”
• “I need more gay people in my life I’m suffocating in straights”
•  ”I think I’m just gonna sleep outside and let the snow bury me until I die”
• “why the fuck would i pay 5 dollars for a grilled cheese? oh wait they’re delivering them? ok buy 3”
• “i feel like a child but i look like an adult and i think it throws a lot of people off”
• “yo look at this dog! i want this dog. this dog is straight g”
• “I got super drunk and told everyone I was a lesbian” 
• “I’VE ONLY DONE ANAL TWICE OKAY”
• “instead of studying art we should MAKE ART WITH OUR BODIES”
• “suck my milk” “no, i’m lactose intolerant”
• “who the fuck put paint in the kettle”
• “why is there fucking coffee and lard in my paint pot”
• “at this point i have more assignments than i have friends”

feel free to add anything you’ve heard